"Goodbye?" chapter twelve.

Identity, wenich?

3eedkom mbarak;**

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“Sultano, abeek shway ta3al,” he called him.

What? Since when Ghanim keep secrets away from me, I thought I knew everything about him. I thought he trusted me, with everything and anything. Weird.I slapped my unearthly thoughts away, continuing what I was doing. Concerned.

“What’s wrong Ghanim?” I could barely hear sultan question.

“You told her? Please don’t say yes,” he begged.

“No, no. Everything’s kept secretly,” he retorted.

“Alla y7ama, bs maby agoolha 3n oboha. She’s already insane,” Ghanim stated.

"Eh wallah, Madry shlon bengolha 'oboch 36ach 3mra' o ehya ib hal 7ala".

“I’m not deaf” I jeered, locking the bathroom door behind me.

Would you ever think that an organ loss will change everything around you? Even friends, lovers, and everything around you change. It’s a wound that Ghanim and Sultan supposed to be healing, instead, their leaving it as it is carelessly.

I thought of ending this, and by this I mean all these painful thoughts and considerations. I can’t stay with people like this. I can’t stay blind like this.

I slowly traced the huge fence, running my fingers on numerous cold tiles, knowing where it’ll take me, knowing what I’m going to do. I walked on the freezing floors of my bathroom, feeling the goose bumps that occupied my legs and arms when my legs hit the bathtub tardily.
I heard the running water, feeling the steam on my face as I sucked the tears that reached my mouth and all I hear is hard knocks on the door and my ears totally ignoring it.

I stepped my right foot first, then the second feeling the extremely hot water burning my legs. I slowly got my whole body onto the tub; being so tardily making it more hurtful. I splashed the recent memories away, submerging under the heated up water. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to.

Here I am, where I’m supposed to be, where all of them wanted me to be, what everyone wanted me to feel, where everyone never expected me to be. Here I am, eyes shut, breathless, drown in the water by my volition and my will.

My tears were so cold; I could feel them on my skin. They were saying their goodbyes. I was releasing them as if I promised they won’t get out of these eyes again. Never.

“YASMEEEN BA6LAY AL BAB” Sultan screamed.

Another hard knocks.

But I’m all done here.

Goodbye.